Maybe we need a bit of doctor to bipolar to significant other translation here:
The doctor usually says something like:” there are worse things than a little pot, but it does seriously affect your response to medication. Just quitting could make things worse, so just wean yourself off gradually until you are only using your prescribed medications.”
What the bipolar patient hears is “there are worse things than a little pot..yada, yada, yada. Just quitting could make things worse...”
What the bipolar patient tells the SO:” the doctor says that using pot is alright.
Another thing doctors tell bipolar patients is: I don’t know how long you will need this medication, but if it doesn’t seem to be helping or if you don’t feel like it’s working, get back in and we’ll find something else.
What the patient hears is: “I don’t know anything and if you don’t like the way the meds make you feel just quit taking them.”
What the SO hears is: “The doctor says I don’t have to take the meds if I don’t want to.”
Maybe the doctor gets back a blood level test and it is much lower than expected, so he starts asking "Have you been taking your medications consistently?" Even though he knows the answer. The bipolar patient responds in a way that lets the doctor know the answer, then he says something like: "I can't make you take your medications as I prescribe them and they won't work if you don't. If you won't take them regularly you may as well not take them at all"
What the patient hears is: "I can't make you take your medications... They won't work... You may as well not take them at all."
What the SO hears is: "The doctor said that I don't need my medication any more."
What the doctor says: Mixing these meds with alcohol could be very dangerous. If you have one beer you shouldn’t drive or do anything that might be dangerous. If you have more than two beers your heart might stop.
What the patient hears: You can have two beers before your heart will stop.
What the SO hears: the doctor says it’s alright if I have a couple beers after work
Or the SO hears: the doctor says that these meds are really dangerous and I don’t think I want to take them.
I’m actually pretty sure this is a very common phenomenon. Seems a lot gets lost in that translation.
If the SO has direct contact with the pdoc, they can double-check those messages and see where things got lost in translation. Remember, bipolar is all about mixed up feelings and memories, so confusing what the doctor said or fixing it up a bit is not usually an intentional lie. It’s just stretching the truth a bit.